She's Really Gone
by HuddyFanForever10
Summary: Tragedy strikes House, and his whole world is gone. Feeling unable to go on, will he make it through? READ AND REVIEW!
1. Accident

**She's really gone. It's just so hard to believe. Only yesterday she was yelling at me to do my job and today, nothing. It was this morning, she was on her way to work when she was hit by a drunk driver. She didn't even have time to react.  
****When I got to work I immediately knew something was wrong, everyone was silent and people had tears in their eyes. Thats when I saw Wilson, he had tears dried on his cheeks and red puffy eyes. He was slowly jogging towards me.**

** " ****House! You need to get to ICU right away!" A confused look came on my face, which Wilson immediately saw. " House, it's Cuddy…" He didn't need to say anything else, I tried to run, which was extremely difficult, but I reached the ICU in a matter of seconds. When I got to the door, my heart skipped a beat.**

**On the bed she laid. She was all bruised and bloody, but she was still beautiful. Thats when I turned to the rapidly approaching footsteps, it was Wilson. When he reached me he cleared his throat. I turned back to the door, and just watched her.**

** " ****House, she doesn't have long, you should go to her." I nodded, and slowly walked into the room. **

**Her eyes immediately met mine. I didn't know what to say, but I know one thing that needed to be done. I pulled up a chair, and took her hand. She cleared her throat.**

**" ****House...I..I'm sorry." I sighed.**

**" ****Cuddy, you have nothing to be sorry for, it wasn't your fault.'' The tears started to form in her eyes, and I could feel one sliding down my cheek, but I didn't even care. **

**" ****I'm sorry. House, I'm not going to make it." She reached up and wiped away the tear from my cheek.**

**" ****Look, don't talk like that, I don't even want to think about you not being in my life." This can not be happening, there is no way, I must be dreaming.**

**" ****House, I need to tell you something." I knew what was coming next. **

**" ****I know, you don't have to say it Lisa." That was the first time I had called her that in years, it felt wrong.**

**" ****No, you don't know, you don't know how much I love you. I wish I would have just had the guts to tell you, now we only have minutes together. You're my only regret. I love you so much Greg House." I lowered my head and planted a kiss on her lips. I slowly pulled away.**

**" ****Lisa, you need to hold on and keep fighting, you can make it through this, I have faith in you." I never thought I would ever hear the word faith come out of my mouth like this. **

**" ****Greg, it hurts, you need to let me go, but promise me something." No, she can't die.**

**" ****Anything." **

**" ****You can't use my death as an excuse to give up or to get back on the pills. You need to get over me, and live. " That would be impossible to do.**

**" ****I don't think I can ever get over you. It's not worth living without you. I love you so much." She smiled. **

**" ****You need to try. I will always love you, and I will always be with you." I reached down to kiss her one last time, then I heard the beeping get faster. **

**"****Lisa? No!" The grip on my hand loosened, and then there was that dreaded constant beep, she was gone. I couldn't take just sitting there, I got up and left the room. I just started walking, and soon I was at a familiar place, her office.**

**When I walked in a cloud of familiar scent hit my nose, vanilla, her favorite perfume. I closed the door and locked it and pulled down the blinds. It felt like the whole world had came crashing down on me. My life no longer had meaning, my only reason for existing is gone, and she would never be able to come back. She would no longer be able to yell at me, I could no longer make inappropriate jokes to her to hide my feelings. I just felt numb, unable to feel any type of emotion at all. I realized I was still crying, but who cares? No one is here to see me, not that I would care if they did. **

**I stayed there the entire day and night, just thinking about our past. **

**We met at Michigan, at this tiny book store. I was attracted to her from the start, those beautiful bluish- green eyes drew me in. Then we had a one night stand, then nothing, until nearly ten years later. From then on it was history. Almost every day we made jokes at each other, both trying to hide our feelings for eachother. **

**I think we both always knew that we were meant for one another, but now its too late. I have nothing left to hold on to, the only thing I have ever loved is gone forever. **


	2. I Can't Believe You're Really Gone

They say that time helps, but ever since last night my pain has gotten worse. I am still just sitting on the floor in her office. I just can't seem to find the will to get up and go on. My whole world is gone, she's gone. She was my everything. I keep looking at the door, expecting her to just walk in, but that is never going to happen again.I miss her smell, and just seeing her. I loved everything about her, and still do.

I wonder if anyone knows I'm here, if they do they probably figured I just want to be left alone. As far as people, she was the only one besides Wilson that I liked being around, even if she was yelling at me to do clinic hours. I juat felt comfortable with her, but now the only things I have left of her are memories, which will eventually fade away. There is no way in 10 years that I will be able to tell what really happened and what didn't. Pretty soon I will only remember her death, amd not her life. The first stage of dying is acceptance, which I haven't had yet. I cant belive she's really gone, but she is, and she is never comming back. There was one thing I needed to do before I would miss my chance.

I managed to make it downstairs withoutbeing seen. I entered the large open space, and their she was, just laying on the steel table. I slowly approached the table. It seemed like a dream.

She was clean, the o nm ly evidence left behind was a few bruises. Other than that she was still the beautiful woman i have known for years. I ran my fingers through her curls. She still smelled of vanilla,, this is really happening. I couldn't fight it anymore, the words just started spilling out of my mouth.

" I know, we already said our goodbyes, but I can't believe your really gone. My life will never be the same without you, it's going to suck even more than it did before.

You and I, were meant to be together, and I knew that from the start. I knew I made you a promise, but I just don't know how Ican go on from this, you were my life. Like I said, I am still in disbelief, I was suposed to die before you, you were the healthy one, I am the one who has been killing my liver for the past 10 years. You were inocent, I am just an ass to everyone, I don't deserve to live, you did. You were the one that got away, and I wish that at some point I would have justs had 20 seconds of courage to say I love you, then, maybe, you would still be alive. This is all my fault. Im so sorry Cuddy." I bent down and placed one last kiss on her lips, it didn't feel right. Her lips were not warm and inviting, they were cold. She isn't herself anymore. I stood back up and took one final glace at her face, this is the last time I will probably see her. It was all just to much. I walked towards the exit, but before I walked out I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, and my face was pale. At this point I really don't care if people see me like this, I mean who cares? The all knew that Cuddy and I had a past together, and everyone commented on the way that we always made inapropriate jokes at eachother to hide our feelings. I needed to get out of this hospital, it was just to hard to be aroud people. I just walked out, and got on my bike and rode as fast as I could home.

As soon as I got in the door I just let it all out again. All I could think about was all of the memories I had with Lisa Cuddy. There were so many that just kept repeating in my mind. Like, meeting her.

* I walked into a book store, looking for a copy of my favorite, Sherlock Holmes. I started gazing around the shelves, untill I accidentally bumped into someone. I looked up to see the most beautiful eyes that I had ever seen. It was a woman, with dark curls.

" Oh, I'm sorry." She let out a giggle.

"It's okay, it was my fault. I'm Lisa, Lisa Cuddy." She shook my hand.

" I'm Greg House. Nice to meet you.

That was almost 25 years ago. I knew then that Lisa Cuddy would be a part of my life for a long time, and sure enough, I was right. My life now just feels broken, shattered in a million tiny pieces. It seems impossible to put them all back together and just go on. She was the one who held me together, she was always there when I needed her. Now, there is no one who can put me back together, no one knew what she knew.

When she was dying she told me not to use her death as an excuse to end my life, she knew how I would feel. She knew me. I know I made a promise, but how can I go on? The only thing that ever mattered to me was taken away, theres no way to go on from this. Sure, Wilson is there for me, but he doesn't understand all of the emotional pain that I have, only she did.


	3. From My Sight

Today is the funeral. As I pulled up to the temple or what ever it's called, I seen Rachel. Oh yeah, Rachel. I totally forgot about her. For as long as I could remember Cuddy wanted a child, more than anything. I myself gave her fertility injections. Then almost three months ago, she had adopted Rachel. I never saw her so happy in my life, she finally had what she had always wanted. She looked so tiny in Cuddy's sister's arms. She would never remember Cuddy. When I was looking at her, Rachel looked right at me, and I swear I saw her smile, but babies don't smile, at least that young. I looked away and walked into the building and took a seat in the second row next to Wilson. The sight I saw next took my breath away.

There she was, I thought I had seen her for the last time. I obviously knew she would be here, but I thought they wouldn't have an open casket. She looked like she was asleep, there was no evidence of the injuries that took her life. She looked like she could just sit up at any moment, she looked at peace. Her face had no expressions, all of the countless times I had seen a frown or a smile, but now there is no evidence of those times. I am the only one who remembers that, and in 20 years, those memories will fade away from my memory.

She's all I can focus on. All of the people who are talking, but I hear none of their words. Now, the moment that I have been dreading comes, the rabbi walks towards the coffin, and says a quick prayer, before closing the coffin, for the final time. He closes it. Now, I will never be able to see her again, she is gone from my sight forever. Then everyone stands up, I follow. The coffin is slowly rolled out of the building, and then put in the back of the hearse. Next is the burial, but before I have the chance to get to my car, Cuddy's sister comes running up to me. She approaches, with tears in her eyes.

" I'm glad I caught you before you left. Tomorrow is the reading of Lisa's will, and you were on the list to at the law office at 10 am tomorrow." She walks away before I had time to say anything. Why would Cuddy want me at her will reading? I know she admitted her love for me, but still. Curiosity has got me wondering. I decided that I didn't want to go to the burial, to many people. I'll just stop by tomorrow, right now I just need to be alone.

The next day I arrived at the reading of the will. There were only a few people there, Wilson, Julia, Cuddy's mom, and Rachel. When I arrived we immediately went into a conference room. Then the lawyer walked in and took a seat at the head of the table.

" We are gathered here today to read the will of Lisa Marie Cuddy. First off, Ms. Cuddy wrote out what she wanted to be said, so here we go. ' I would like to leave all of my possessions, house and car included to Gregory House. And as far as the money, I leave it all to Gregory House and Rachel Cuddy. As for the next thing, I ask that you won't be mad. The choice was hard to decide on who to leave my daughter Rachel Cuddy to. I have thought long and hard about this and I have came to a decision. I give full custody of my daughter, Rachel Lisa Cuddy, to Gregory House, and House before you say no, read the letter I wrote you. I have also left letters to all of the people present at this reading. For the handover of custody, I wish for it to be carried out immediately after the reading of this will" I can't believe it, she left me her child. I don't think that I am capable of this, but Cuddy thought I was. The lawyer tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a blue envelope. I motioned to it and he nodded. I tore it open, and inside was a familiar handwriting.

_House,_

_I know that this was the last thing you would ever expect.I'm sure you are wondering why I did this, and I have a life changing reason for you. I wanted to leave you something that would help you move on, and Rachel is just that. I trust that you will raise her and make sure she has a bright future. If you still have doubts at least give it a try, but remember I believe in you. Like I said, this will help you live on, and if you think your life has lost meaning it hasn't. You gained something that will change your life, trust me, and remember, I will always be with you._

_Love, Cuddy_

This is something that I never expected. She was basically just giving me her child. How could she possibly think that I am capable of being a good parent? Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by Julia standing next to me, with Rachel in her arms.

" Here, I know Lisa must have a reason, and if she trusted you, I trust you." She placed Rachel in my arms, where again her eyes met mine, and again, a smile. Julia let out a laugh.

" See, she already loves you." She also handed me the car seat and diaper bag. Wow.

" Well, that is all I have." The lawyer said, but Arlean, Cuddy's mom jumped in her seat.

" Wait a minute! Why are we all here if he got everything?" The lawyer looked confused.

" I'm sorry Ms. Cuddy. I just brought in everyone who was on the list that Lisa Cuddy gave me. She probably just wanted you to hear where everything was going." Arlean looked at me with a death glare.

" Well, I guess there is no reason for me to be here then." She got up from the table and stormed out of the room. I smiled, she was pissed. Julia smiled awkwardly and walked out, then it was just Wilson, myself and the baby. Wilson walked up to me and looked at Rachel.

" I can't believe that Cuddy gave you custody of Rachel."

" I know, I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions? " He rolled his eyes, and then looked confused.

" Well I would suggest moving into Cuddy's house. Rachel is used to it, so she might be used to it." He made a valid point.

" Hey, Wilson, would you move in and help me for a few days?" He sighed.

" House, you don't even have to ask." I nodded.

" Well, we better get packing." Wilson laughed.

I lowered Rachel into into her seat, and together Wilson and I left the office.

On the drive home I was just thinking. Cuddy left me Rachel, hoping that it would help me move on. I don't know if it will work. I still feel empty, but now I have a reason to keep on living.


End file.
